Small Talk At Work – Love It Or Loathe It?

I included the awkward elevator photo as my inspiration for this week’s blog as I often find this is the prime example of where we see small talk play out – those that love small talk are initiating conversations between levels, whilst those that loathe small talk are staring ahead waiting patiently for the doors to open at their floor.

Turns out that just as the elevator shifts between levels, so do you between loving and loathing of small talk, with most of you decidedly sitting in the middle, here’s what you said:

• Small talk at work can be beneficial at the right times. Everyone needs a social break now and then.
• In the middle – I am happy to say hello and have a quick chat but no longer than that. It tends to eat into time when you are working.
• In between – I love catching up with colleagues to connect but I hate office gossip, back stabbing and stirring.
• Sometimes love, sometimes loathe – Depends on the topic and who I am discussing it with at work and how much time I have to do my workload – when you are under pressure from deadlines, it can be hard to enjoy small talk at work.

What makes us love small-talk is that it helps build unique, interesting connections with our colleagues. Don’t we all feel more valued – when someone smiles at you, gives you direct eye contact and asks ‘how are you?’ and actually listens to the answer?

So what is small talk then and how can we make it most effective? Severino Consulting outlines 5 easy steps to improving small talk at work:

1. Make it real – Disclose something that is not too personal but something that is right now on your heart, head or hands (what are you feeling, thinking and doing?)
2. Make it useful – Think of it as a time to get some ideas on things you are working on.  Share what you are stuck on and then pause to allow the other person a chance to comment.
3. Make it a time to learn about the other person – what was the highlight of their weekend?  Where did they go on vacation? What was their favorite holiday gift?  Ask a good question and then pause and listen.
4. Follow up – next time you see the person, ask about their home improvement project or their new pet.  Continue to learn more.
5. Notice what you share with friends and family — you may find a snippet of the week to use elsewhere. Maybe you Tweet or Facebook. The process of writing creates a reflection about “current events” that I can then share with others.

Small talk is a form of engaging with others and you will only get out of it what you put in. And by that I mean, if you often avoid eye contact with others in the workplace or the casual ‘hello/goodbye’ in passing, you will start to notice other staff members stop attempting to make that effort to approach you. I tend to find it’s a common courtesy to acknowledge someone, and regardless of what type of day you’ve had, sometimes small talk can be a great distraction and often make a bad day brighter.

So yes, we can love small talk when we make it real and reciprocal, but not all topics should be included in our small talk repertoire. About.com outlines the 10 Top Topics to avoid when making small talk in the workplace:

1. Financial – Asking personal financial questions of people that you have just met is inappropriate.
2. Politics – The problem with talking about politics is that you never know who in the crowd may have strong opinions.
3. Religion – Religion is another extremely personal and potentially sensitive topic that should be avoided.
4. Intimacy – Talking about sex or asking questions of an intimate nature is inappropriate.
5. Death – Remember that you are in the company of strangers and this is not the appropriate time to bring up emotional topics that have the potential to be upsetting.
6. Age and appearance – If you have just met someone, do not ask her age. Although the question might seem simple to you, it can be a hot topic for some. In addition, avoid questions related to appearance.
7. Personal Gossip – While celebrity gossip is fair game during small talk, gossip about people that you know personally is not
8. Offensive Jokes – Save your off-colour jokes for your best friends (or better yet, replace them with clean jokes).
9. Narrow Topics – Although you will want to tell interesting stories at some point during small talk, avoid talking at length about topics that are one-sided.
10. Past relationships – unless you know the person well, this can often be an emotional subject that may be awkward for some to discuss.

What do you think – are these topics off limits or what do you love about small talk at work?

Don’t forget to participate in this week’s poll: Do you dread a performance appraisal or does it drive you to perform better? The results will be published in next week’s blog post so stay tuned!